think mcfly, think!

I went to the INN last night, which is the college group at my church that I went to for five years. I went to hear this author that I like, Donald Miller. I was sitting there, looking around at 1,000 college students, expecting to fit in. Expecting to see my friends, and the boys I chased, and the interns that made me laugh. I felt a lot like Marty in Back to the Future. Not that my dad was there as a teenager, but that I could see myself, 19 years old, sitting on the carpet in the usual spot, learning, questioning and enjoying all the company. It doesn't feel like that long ago and I mourned my first college house of 9 girls that went to the INN with me. The noise and laughter and silliness that went on there. I felt a little sad about being so old. I wished that I had known what I had, while I had it.

Oh snap! Then I remembered that I did know it. I had a great time. I had fun, everyday, with my friends. If only boys and schoolwork had not gotten me down.. I really enjoyed those years, those summer vacations. Times when I knew I would change the world and lived constantly with liberal outrage fatigue, because I was learning so much. Thinking critically about so many aspects of the world. I knew that I'd be stuck working some day. Stuck someplace like here. No going home for lunch. No afternoon naps. I remember being thankful for all the freedom. So no regrets. I could wish I had been more involved or more social. That I asked more guys out and wasn't so shy. But I was who I was, I recognized how great college was and had great friends and great fun. So there.

theres no place like home

This morning was cold. My hands were all balled up in the pockets of my warmest wool jacket and I wore a scarf and hat all the way to work. I was wishing that I could ball up in a really big pocket, and someone could carry me, all warm and dark to wherever I needed to go. Brrrr!

I am still slightly comatose from a long weekend of sleeping, eating, crafting, visiting, and hovering around my parents' gloriously hot fireplace. I felt like I had a week off from college or something, and took full advantage of mom's yummy meals, the open washing machine, and sibling companionship. Its hard not to be thankful when all is so well.

We had Thanksgiving dinner with my mom's family this time, instead of with dad's. It was still a large group though (80+), with a doubled sided buffet line, so it felt pretty normal. Staying at Grandpas, reading magazines, and ogling over my 1st cousin once removed, 1 year old Anthony. Lovely, lovely.

Everyone at work now knows of my travels, thanks to my boss announcing it at the staff meeting. So much for personal, thoughtful announcements to each person. Everyone was congratulatory and excited. Glad I can shake things up for them. Its all feeling very close now. I am down to things like unsubscribing from listservs, buying earplugs, scrounging up photos to show people, and finding Seattle postcards to give away. 16 days of work and two more paychecks to go. I think my emotions about it are hiding away under the bed or something. I feel mostly relaxed and looking forward to it. That can't be right...

shaking like a leaf

9:26am - As I write this, I am planning my news-breaking to the bosses. This is the day. I shouldn't put it off any longer. I was fixin to drop the bomb first thing...but now I'm super duper nervous. If this office wasn't so open, and deathly silent, this would be a lot easier. But now I have declared it. I must do it today. By the end of the day, I will be free and lighthearted with confirmation of the end. Stay tuned...

11:23 am - Still no news. Have nerves of war veteran. Spine of jellyfish.

12:18 pm - It is finished! I cornered them, got them to sit, and told them. It went fine. Short, sweet, to the point. They were nice about it, but didn't really say much. I can come back if I want to, but they can't guarantee my corner desk. They say that to everyone who leaves. They also pretended to be excited for me. I feel strange. Great, but bewildered. I'm leaving, and its final. The longer I sit and think about it though, the more I want to jump from desk to desk in manner of Liesel at the gazebo in the sound of music, singing of freedom and joy and tingling adventure returning to my veins. I had a similar feeling when I finished my first, painful year at design school and left the building for the summer. Except then, I actually did leap down the hall singing and broke through the doors with my hands raised in the air and clicked my heels as I jumped down sets of stairs to the street.

nothing to fear but...

"You must be pretty trusting in the economy to leave your job like that."
"Don't you feel scared? Everybody hates Americans."
"You'll be a target if you go anywhere muslim."
"Thats going to cost you a lot of money, isn't it?"
"I mean, I would never want to travel for 8 months in a row."

These are things people have been telling Melissa and I. I alternate between feeling like a lunatic, a freedom fighter, and an ignorant 20-something. It is impossible to tell if I should have fear beyond the general traveling pickpocket incidents. Maybe everyone does hate us and they'll steal our cameras and humiliate us in public.

Its not like I am going to wear a giant flag over hot shorts and high heels and wave a pistol, firing into the air. Most travelers I have met understand that Americans are not all like the President. I'm not going to Iraq or Iran. Most Muslim peeps probably do not hate Americans. I might even be able to improve our reputation by being a nice person on the road. I am not worried at all about finding work when I get back. Especially because valet parking sounds pretty good to me right now. I'll just have to wait and see how it is.

Speaking of other travelers I have met, independent travel is one of the best filters I know of. Whoever I meet at a small hostel on the beach south of Mumbai, is going to be pretty similar to myself. Enjoys adventure, doesn't mind a little discomfort and uncertainty, dislikes desk jobs and all-inclusive resorts. "Oh, you like to quit your job and go to beaches to surf too? Wow!" I already have lots of friends from traveling. Pen pals, people I am going to stay with, or Ethiopian guys that want to marry me. Its great! Then you get the name of a friend's friend that lives someplace and who you can stay with. It all depends on the filter. Removing untrustworthy, ungrateful and insensitive people on the travel trails worldwide!

meow!

My coworker just returned from a trip home to China to visit her family. She brought gifts! She got us tiny little kittens made of rabbit fur in little baskets. One for everyone. Weird, you say? Indeed. I was totally stunned when she walked into the staff meeting this morning with two trays of fuzzy things, and a couple bags of candy. So random. I didn't know what to say at first. Who brings toys, especially real fur kittens, to the office as a favor? But now, I love my kitty. Its so cute, and soft. And it lives with me at the office. What will clients think when they come in and we all have kittens at our desks? Its great. Way better than the pencils, which is what we usually get. I never bring anything, or send a postcard, but I'm the bitter one. I'll have to name my kitty. I almost crack up every time I look over and see it sitting there. It looks similar to this photo. Imagine it in your office. It might be the newest thing. Only problem is that I don't know whats under that fur, its going everywhere and I've already pulled a few pieces out of my mouth...gross.

slow weekend

Melissa and I were driving around in my car this evening. The car was all foggy, noisy and bouncy, as usual. I was saying that a lot of people don't care for my vehicle, but won't tell me thinking I will take it personally. I said, my friend Tyson was always very honest about his dislike for my car, and I appreciated that. Most people just dance around it, and won't come right out and say it. A minute later, she says, "I've never seen anyone dancing around your car..." She's funny.

I didn't end up going surfing. My network of surfing friends in Seattle (1 guy) ended up not being able to go, so I opted out of driving 5 hours and freezing my butt off with a lack of camaraderie. Sad, I think the conditions were perfect.. I need to make some new surfing friends. Instead I slept till 9:30, layed in bed reading The Secret Life of Bees till 11 and read the paper at the table till 12. The rest of the day is a pajama blur till church and injera for dinner. I'll promise myself an extra day of surfing in Durbin with the $30 I saved by not driving out there.

hes just not that into me

I am experiencing something of a crisis/depression this week. Lots of difficult questions for God stemming from several articles I read that make believing in him seem, well, crazy. But that happens semi-frequently, and Hes always still there after I work through all my issues with Him. Still annoying though to have to continue living life as usual, when you have questions in your mind about what you are doing with it and if there is a God/if is he on our (humans') side.

And I am also reminded, all of the sudden, about my bad luck with men. The baggage I do have, from being rejected so many times (approx. 36). You would think after all this single time, that I would grow used to it and expect or enjoy being alone for months/years on end. But thats not how it works for me - at all.

Anyhoo, I am looking forward to some family time this Saturday in honor of mom's and brother's birthdays and a trip to the coast Sunday for some ice-surfing. I'm cold already. I have enjoyed two happy hour events this week. Theres nothing like getting really cheap food and drinks at nice restaurants. Whoever thought the concept up was so smart. I'd buy them a drink for $2.50 if I could.

this is neato

stripe machine

emotional roller coaster

Here is a snapshot for you of last evening.

"Whats that here on our porch?"
"Our Visas from the Indian Embassy are here!"
"I wonder if we were approved on account of forgetting to send the money in the same envelope as the applications. Did they figure it out?"
-Tearing and praying....
"Oh, I have a receipt!!"
"Yay look!!!!"
-Discovery of large colored sticker in passports
"Aaahhhhhh!! We're going to India! Aahhhhhh!!!!"
-Screaming, jumping and hugging like sorority girls at a Seven jeans sale
Further examination of way cool colored stickers
"Wait. The expiration date says May 8th. We aren't getting there till July 1st! What happened? Oh no...."

And so it begins already.

cinematic fireworks

I've been something of a movie addict lately. I think I went through 4 movies in the last 3 days. I'll just give you the low and high of it.

Pow=Before Sunset. This movie was a sequel to Before Sunrise. The first was cheesy and pretty weak overall. But the romance always gets me, and I liked it. I should have known that a sequel would be ultra terrible. It was the slowest 1 hour and 20 minutes of theatrical entertainment I could have imagined. I had to fast forward. Heres why, the entire thing was the two characters doing nothing, and chatting. It was exactly like when you hear two people at the coffee shop, blabbing at the next table, struggling to sound intelligent and impress each other. But saying things like, "well, no.." and "seriously though, I mean..." Thats not what you want to hear in a movie. You want to hear people saying what they mean and saying it well. I kept wanting to pick up the paper and read, or tune them out and write in my journal.

Wow=Roman Holiday. 1953. Audrey Hepburn is the woman. The Woman. So captivating and convincing. The story was simple and fun. The acting was great. The shots, all in Roma, made me so nostalgic. The black and white, shadows and selective lighting. I ate it up! My favorite line was (and only because it was purely innocent, nothing off-taste was happening, she was drugged, changing into PJs, and she said it in the funniest way) "This is very unusual. I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, its most unusual." I would recommend this movie to anyone.

theres a million ways to be, you know that there are

We are fast approaching my third holiday season at CDC. I think back to the glory days here, with all sorts of people that I connected with. People that shared my sense of humor, and liked to talk about the same things that I do. Holiday dinners instead of holiday meetings. It was fun. Then I imagine where I would be right now, if I hadn't hung on all these months in anticipation of The Trip. Somewhere else, for sure. I am trying to separate my feelings about this firm, from my feelings toward landscape architecture in general. I can't believe I have career baggage...whats that all about?

Kristen and DJ came over for the weekend. We all saw Harold and Maude Sat night at the Central Cinema. It was great! Then we played 3 games of Settlers over the following evening and morning. A great PJs, pancakes and walk-in-the-park sort of urban weekend. 7 weekends to go..

I just considered 6 weeks of work left, minus 4 days for holidays/sick days. Laughter like Mad Frankenstein Doctor rolls through mind for 30 seconds. Then sadness...I'll miss you guys. Luckily its not for all that long. Just long enough to make me happy to go, and happy to come back.

thats terrific

For all who don't live in seattle, just wanted you to know what was going on here. And if you live in southern california, I don't really want to hear it.

end times

So the monorail is really over. All that time. All that money spent. My internship. My support. I talked that system through the roof over the years. Its sad, really. Poor management and flagrant media fairs drove it to its early death. Sound Transit was smart. Staying out of the limelight and flying under the radar. Spending equally massive amounts of public cazash, but no one really knowing about it. The monorail was in color and up for too much comment and ENDLESS public involvement. If there is one thing I have learned working in the public sector all these years, it is to shut your trap and get the job done with the skills you have before a bunch of other people come and start hassling you about it. Make your website unflashy and uninteresting to the general public. Give the impression that its just another porky governmental project, stuck in endless process, but secretly be efficient, exciting, innovative and effective. The way forward.

You know what else has ended is my tan. I pronounced it dead this week. I'm pale. That means that I am also cold. Cold from the moment I throw back my covers in the morning and with a shiver, catch a sleepy glimpse of myself in the mirrored closet doors. Often a quiet, but audible, "boooo" escapes my mouth. I warm up again about 3 seconds before I fall asleep. I can look forward to hot tubs, fireplaces, and treadmills, with which I can be warm for a short time. And this is winter.

"I keep wishing I were somewhere else, walking down some strange new street." Astrud Gilberto

politics and pastries

Don't forget to vote today. Lots of people have fought through the years for our right to do it. People are still fighting for it today in Iraq. Or are they fighting for other people to have it? What are they there for again? Anyway, I don't want to hear any complaining or whimpering about problems in our society until you have voted and sent at least one letter to a senator about something you feel strongly about. Issues you may want to care about if you do not have any in mind:
-Reduction in foreign aid to underdeveloped nations.
-Relaxation in environmental regulations designed to help the earth survive.
-Obscene freedoms for large businesses to avoid taxes, receive governmental handouts and siphon money from deserving workers worldwide.
Those should get you started, if you aren't already.

I had a great weekend. Friday night, Liz and AnnaMarie joined Melissa and I on our sofas for red wine, chocolate, and lounging. We chatted and laughed for a long time. Saturday, I took my dearest Nicola out for some Mae's pancakes, made some delicious pumpkin cookies, and then went to visit my family for the evening. Sunday I went to church in the morning with Josh, out to lunch with Cesar, then for a nearly 3 hour bike ride with Melissa. It was great! Perhaps overdid it on the bike (raucous headache to follow ride), but appreciated every gram of rain-free fresh air that I could suck in. I also watched a fair amount of Arrested Development - the funniest show since Seinfeld - throughout the weekend. I miss the summer days of driving to the mountains or the ocean for nature fun, but weekends like this last one remind me that there is life outside of being outside. And one of these winters, it'll be time for me to start snowboarding.

the internets

I'm not so sure that the internet is as useful as they make it out to be. It can do some things, but not what's really important. If you try to google 'truth about Jesus', you get this wacko's website about greek gods. If you try. 'why so-and-so isn't in love with me', you get any number of useless articles and retail sites. If you try 'Patricia's career', you can see that other people called Patricia have it all figured out. But nothing for me. 'Plans for Friday night' actually sort of turned out. There are lots of people in many cities looking for something to do via Craigslist. But then, they don't have any ideas either. 'Why the DOL can't figure out my car tabs and keeps returning my checks and asking for the amount I previously sent in', you get to the Doll Palace, Where Cartoons Live. Thats very helpful. So maybe it can help you find directions or buy some item without driving to the store, but for the things that really matter...its got nothing. Anyone know where the answers are?

um, excuse me

I just want to share with you an advertisement that has been on my email account. It says, "You don't have to cheat on your husband, but its nice to be asked." Its an ad for magic wrinkle serum. Does anyone else feel shocked and disturbed by that? I can't even talk about it.

walk this way

I have really appreciated the forecast lately. Rain, showers, rain, showers, rain, rain. It helps to know the variations like that. Cheers to the weather man.

I think that I can open a defensive walking school. I know a lot about judging crosswalk signals, reading right-turning automobiles, and the effect rain has on granite pavers on a 25 degree slope. I am nearly hit, twice a week. I have to give mean looks to cell-phone-talking-crosswalk-creeping drivers, daily. There is a fine balance between asserting yourself as a pedestrian in this world of 6 cylinders, and putting yourself at risk. The acceptable difference in pedestrian behavior near a university. The threat of jaywalking tickets in different parts of the city. And, of course, the risks of wildlife interaction. I really think I could put something together. A 6 week series? Two field trips?