Bit of advice for you. If you watch the 2008 Best Picture, No Country for Old Men, don't do it before bedtime. Especially if you are like me, and are behind the times with the amount of gore and suspense that you tolerate. You've really got to keep watching disturbing, gross, bloody stuff to remain properly desensitized, so that you don't have to hide your eyes for 1/3 of the year's best film, and miss it. I stayed up late to the watch the movie, then spent the night re-watching it in my sleep instead of sleeping.
It was however, good for what it was. The plot was crazy and you never knew what was going to happen next. Very anti-Hollywood. The entire film you are filled with that intense fear, first felt by me, in Terminator II. The merciless, killing-machine robot, ready to strike down whoever he crossed without any human emotion or respect for dignity. In this movie though, the scary robot is now a regular person capable of the same thing. A psychopathic killer that could live down your street or at least in west Texas. And not a crazy psychopathic killer with obvious symptoms of mental illness, a totally sane one, which is worse. Hi-ya!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
restless mind syndrome
At a time when I haven't taken more than two days off since I started working at my job 14 months ago (except the week of face smashing), I feel annoyed at being here. Melissa, who knows best, says that when your job annoys you for a while, but you normally like it, it's not that you need a new job, you just need a vacation. So I'm taking one. With Melissa. For 9 days. I'm going to get flying again after 16 grounded months.
We are going to Mexico. It may be more of a vacation and less 'traveling', but I imagine there will be some of both. I have already read about this coastal town Mexcaltitan that you get to by three buses and a boat, which has no cars and periodically floods like Venice. They also have a lot of shrimp and mangrove swamps. That's not going to be an umbrella-drink-on-the-beach to get to, but it sounds exciting, yes?
I also know that I will spend another handful of days reading, swimming and surfing in a town called Sayulita. There is a wagon that serves the best fish tacos ever, apparently. I believe that if I had to stay there and eat tacos, avocados and light beer with lime for 9 days straight, that would be okay with me too.
So here's to me being proactive about my needs, instead of hemming and hawing about having to go into work everyday, when most people, in most places have to do the exact same thing. Or maybe I'll find a gigantic sailboat to work on and not come back for awhile. Slim chance, but it's not like me to give up hope for such miracles.
P.S. I said a few days ago that I had made peace with my hair. Turns out it was just a couple good days, that have come and now gone. It's just a bad haircut.
We are going to Mexico. It may be more of a vacation and less 'traveling', but I imagine there will be some of both. I have already read about this coastal town Mexcaltitan that you get to by three buses and a boat, which has no cars and periodically floods like Venice. They also have a lot of shrimp and mangrove swamps. That's not going to be an umbrella-drink-on-the-beach to get to, but it sounds exciting, yes?
I also know that I will spend another handful of days reading, swimming and surfing in a town called Sayulita. There is a wagon that serves the best fish tacos ever, apparently. I believe that if I had to stay there and eat tacos, avocados and light beer with lime for 9 days straight, that would be okay with me too.So here's to me being proactive about my needs, instead of hemming and hawing about having to go into work everyday, when most people, in most places have to do the exact same thing. Or maybe I'll find a gigantic sailboat to work on and not come back for awhile. Slim chance, but it's not like me to give up hope for such miracles.
P.S. I said a few days ago that I had made peace with my hair. Turns out it was just a couple good days, that have come and now gone. It's just a bad haircut.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
me, of little faith, again
Today, I feel tired and alive. Last week was one for the records. I hardly slept well, had stress, excitement, joy, anticipation, friends, foes, overtime, tardiness, butterflies, nerves and peace. I am reminded that in my life I would rather have stress, action, disaster and triumph all at the same time instead of nothing at all. This is why I travel. Not because it's all good, or good at all, but because it is always changing, requiring thought and response. My friend Mike and I were talking recently about how humankind needs danger and challenge to keep their brains alive and growing. All of the repetition of working at the desk may be slowly killing me, and weeks like this last one are just the thing to keep me on my toes.
After working last Sunday and then all the stomach wrenching stress of Monday's hearing, I tried to focus on my test. It went okay. I felt like I knew most of what they were testing me on. I had studied well. The problem is that the tests are so poorly written, by amateurs, that 20% of the questions leave you scratching your head not for an answer, but how to understand the question. It's ridiculous. Luckily I had time to keep a list of all the worst questions and I wrote out each one's problem in the comment section of the test at the end. If I can get some bad questions, probably ones that I missed, thrown out, I will try to do just that. You never know how many questions you need to answer correctly to pass because they do throw some out and draw their line based on how people did.
On my way back from the test I had a message from Regence on my phone. I called them back, expecting to provide some lame detail that they didn't listen to and missed the first time. Instead, the lady picked up and told me that the panel agreed with me. That's right, I won! I could hardly believe my ears. She could hardly believe it either. She said my case was a real stretch, but that they agreed with me anyway. Praise the Lord, yes? I don't know yet what this means in terms of dollars coming back my way. It may be $100, it may be $1,000. She also said she would work out the outstanding $1,000 of benefit for my busted teeth that hadn't been processed correctly. If I have any questions, I am to call her direct line. Unbelievable, I know. I'll really believe it when I see the check in my hands. I just can't believe that what I was doing mostly for due diligence, actually worked. Maybe instead of covering 4% of my bills, they'll cover 30%.
I went to my public meeting that night singing. The rest of the week, work was crazy, but nothing could bring me down from the relief of having that test done and beating the system in a big way. I also made peace with my haircut. To top it off, the guy I have a crush on that rides one of my buses, whom I have started chatting with, invited me to sit with him all the way to our mutual stop! Glorious. The weekend has been spent decadently, with friends, celebrating the marriage of my good friend AnnaMarie to her man David. Friends, babies, white dresses and white wine. Mmmm.
After working last Sunday and then all the stomach wrenching stress of Monday's hearing, I tried to focus on my test. It went okay. I felt like I knew most of what they were testing me on. I had studied well. The problem is that the tests are so poorly written, by amateurs, that 20% of the questions leave you scratching your head not for an answer, but how to understand the question. It's ridiculous. Luckily I had time to keep a list of all the worst questions and I wrote out each one's problem in the comment section of the test at the end. If I can get some bad questions, probably ones that I missed, thrown out, I will try to do just that. You never know how many questions you need to answer correctly to pass because they do throw some out and draw their line based on how people did.
On my way back from the test I had a message from Regence on my phone. I called them back, expecting to provide some lame detail that they didn't listen to and missed the first time. Instead, the lady picked up and told me that the panel agreed with me. That's right, I won! I could hardly believe my ears. She could hardly believe it either. She said my case was a real stretch, but that they agreed with me anyway. Praise the Lord, yes? I don't know yet what this means in terms of dollars coming back my way. It may be $100, it may be $1,000. She also said she would work out the outstanding $1,000 of benefit for my busted teeth that hadn't been processed correctly. If I have any questions, I am to call her direct line. Unbelievable, I know. I'll really believe it when I see the check in my hands. I just can't believe that what I was doing mostly for due diligence, actually worked. Maybe instead of covering 4% of my bills, they'll cover 30%.
I went to my public meeting that night singing. The rest of the week, work was crazy, but nothing could bring me down from the relief of having that test done and beating the system in a big way. I also made peace with my haircut. To top it off, the guy I have a crush on that rides one of my buses, whom I have started chatting with, invited me to sit with him all the way to our mutual stop! Glorious. The weekend has been spent decadently, with friends, celebrating the marriage of my good friend AnnaMarie to her man David. Friends, babies, white dresses and white wine. Mmmm.
Monday, March 10, 2008
fighting with the man
This afternoon I went to battle with my insurance company. After my letter writing, endless phone calls and processing through the levels of the appeal process, Regence offered me the opportunity to come in and state my case in front of the member appeals panel in order to receive better coverage for the oral surgeon's portion of my bicycle accident. I wanted to go in swinging. Teeth bared, fists up, kicking and screaming.
Instead I felt like I was going to throw up. The first part of this week is perhaps the most demanding few days I have come across in my job. I have another section of my licensing exam on Wednesday, which I have been studying for for 2 months, and a busy weekend on the way with a friend's wedding and people staying over. Too much. I had prepared a speech involving my injury time line, coverage received (so far $330 of $8,000) and the portion of my policy that indicates they could cover my non-preferred doctor as preferred in the event there is not reasonable time to come under the care of a preferred provider. That would get me about $1,500.
I wasn't sure whether well-spoken Patricia was going to show up or if angry-injured-passionate-stubborn-easily-worked-up Patricia (whom you are probably better acquainted with) would be there instead. My stomach hurt and my heart was pounding as I waiting in the Regence lobby. I was comforted by a lovely framed poster which said, "Quality only happens when you care enough to do your best." A young girl came down and escorted me upstairs where a conference room, doctor, two nurses and two Regence people waited. They tried to be chummy with me, but there was no departure from my stone cold expression. My fear and nerves turned to a slow burn as soon as they asked me to present my case. All my anger at these %*@#ers came out in a clear, concise, well introduced and well summarized 5 minute speech about my plan, the situation and how I hoped my coverage could be changed. Thank God. I didn't cry, yell or shoot.
Now I wait for 5 to 10 business days for their decision. After than, who knows. I am guessing that they won't change their minds. There is no consequence if they don't. Maybe the next level is court and lawyers and all that. I'll have to wait and see. If there is anything else that I can do, I will. Angry-injured-passionate-stubborn-easily-worked-up Patricia will.
Instead I felt like I was going to throw up. The first part of this week is perhaps the most demanding few days I have come across in my job. I have another section of my licensing exam on Wednesday, which I have been studying for for 2 months, and a busy weekend on the way with a friend's wedding and people staying over. Too much. I had prepared a speech involving my injury time line, coverage received (so far $330 of $8,000) and the portion of my policy that indicates they could cover my non-preferred doctor as preferred in the event there is not reasonable time to come under the care of a preferred provider. That would get me about $1,500.
I wasn't sure whether well-spoken Patricia was going to show up or if angry-injured-passionate-stubborn-easily-worked-up Patricia (whom you are probably better acquainted with) would be there instead. My stomach hurt and my heart was pounding as I waiting in the Regence lobby. I was comforted by a lovely framed poster which said, "Quality only happens when you care enough to do your best." A young girl came down and escorted me upstairs where a conference room, doctor, two nurses and two Regence people waited. They tried to be chummy with me, but there was no departure from my stone cold expression. My fear and nerves turned to a slow burn as soon as they asked me to present my case. All my anger at these %*@#ers came out in a clear, concise, well introduced and well summarized 5 minute speech about my plan, the situation and how I hoped my coverage could be changed. Thank God. I didn't cry, yell or shoot.
Now I wait for 5 to 10 business days for their decision. After than, who knows. I am guessing that they won't change their minds. There is no consequence if they don't. Maybe the next level is court and lawyers and all that. I'll have to wait and see. If there is anything else that I can do, I will. Angry-injured-passionate-stubborn-easily-worked-up Patricia will.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
you get what you pay for
Two words. Bad. Haircut. I thought 27.5 was too old to cry about a haircut, but apparently it is not. I did wait until I was in private, but then I cried a good long cry for the hair that I had lost and the awkwardness left on my head that I get to deal with for the next 6 months.
I went in for a trim at the Aveda Gary Manuel Academy on Capitol Hill for my usual $20, good but not great haircut. After a lot of confusion about who my appointment was with, I ended up going back with Amelia, who had obviously been cutting hair for less than a month. I sat there while she tried to get her competency rating for remembering the "5 R's", which are a sort of marketing system that they use. Like haircutting 101. Which she was trying to pass. While I sat there.
Somewhere in between me wanting a 4 of 10 on the how-much-change-do-you-want scale, and explaining exactly how short my layers should be, I watched in horror as at least 4 inches of my nice, long, silky hair fell off the top of my head and onto the gown. I stopped her 3 times to say that it seemed like too much. Was she sure that so much should be so short? Didn't she know that it was going to be shorter when it dries and when I part my hair on the side? After the 3rd time that I expressed my concern, and after most of my 'layers' had been completed, she finally stopped reassuring me and went to get her instructor, who tried to soften and blend the damage.
The entire top half of my hair now falls to above my chin, while the rest of it is blended down into layers that end up just below my shoulders. I look like a mushroom. I look trashy. Like that trashy lady that you saw the other day in the grocery store buying ding dongs and beer in her sweatpants and outdoor slippers. Every morning I hope that it will be better after my shower, and I still hate it. It's going to take months to grow out.
I have to wear the short half up in a clip, while the bottom half stays down to give the appearance that my hair is still long. So far, just a few people have noticed, so it's working. Even my own mother didn't say anything, which is great (and maybe a result of leaked information from my brother to keep quiet). If I just keep wearing my clip and sporting the old styles that I used in the 7th grade when I was growing out my bangs, no one will have to tell me that I look cute with my new fun layers.
If you see me, pretend like nothing has happened. If you really do think that it looks fine, please keep it to yourself. I know it's awful and I will just think that you are patronizing me. Someday, it'll be okay. Maybe after 3 months, I can get the bottom trimmed up again and it will look closer to fine. Just know that I'm going to a real salon and paying $50 if I have to. I'm no fool! It's just not worth it. Sometimes my cheap, Dutch ways can really get the better of me. Or at least the better part of my looks.
I went in for a trim at the Aveda Gary Manuel Academy on Capitol Hill for my usual $20, good but not great haircut. After a lot of confusion about who my appointment was with, I ended up going back with Amelia, who had obviously been cutting hair for less than a month. I sat there while she tried to get her competency rating for remembering the "5 R's", which are a sort of marketing system that they use. Like haircutting 101. Which she was trying to pass. While I sat there.
Somewhere in between me wanting a 4 of 10 on the how-much-change-do-you-want scale, and explaining exactly how short my layers should be, I watched in horror as at least 4 inches of my nice, long, silky hair fell off the top of my head and onto the gown. I stopped her 3 times to say that it seemed like too much. Was she sure that so much should be so short? Didn't she know that it was going to be shorter when it dries and when I part my hair on the side? After the 3rd time that I expressed my concern, and after most of my 'layers' had been completed, she finally stopped reassuring me and went to get her instructor, who tried to soften and blend the damage.
The entire top half of my hair now falls to above my chin, while the rest of it is blended down into layers that end up just below my shoulders. I look like a mushroom. I look trashy. Like that trashy lady that you saw the other day in the grocery store buying ding dongs and beer in her sweatpants and outdoor slippers. Every morning I hope that it will be better after my shower, and I still hate it. It's going to take months to grow out.
I have to wear the short half up in a clip, while the bottom half stays down to give the appearance that my hair is still long. So far, just a few people have noticed, so it's working. Even my own mother didn't say anything, which is great (and maybe a result of leaked information from my brother to keep quiet). If I just keep wearing my clip and sporting the old styles that I used in the 7th grade when I was growing out my bangs, no one will have to tell me that I look cute with my new fun layers.
If you see me, pretend like nothing has happened. If you really do think that it looks fine, please keep it to yourself. I know it's awful and I will just think that you are patronizing me. Someday, it'll be okay. Maybe after 3 months, I can get the bottom trimmed up again and it will look closer to fine. Just know that I'm going to a real salon and paying $50 if I have to. I'm no fool! It's just not worth it. Sometimes my cheap, Dutch ways can really get the better of me. Or at least the better part of my looks.
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