in the onion today

Climatologists Secure Funding To Breed Glaciers In Captivity

FAIRBANKS, AK—Researchers from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration received a $42 million federal grant for a captive-glacier breeding project that will attempt to spawn three to five of the massive, slow-moving bodies of land-carving ice by 2020.

"As the number of glaciers worldwide is less than half what it was 40 years ago, it is evident that we must do something to improve glacial fertility or they will face imminent extinction," said NOAA chief glacier behaviorist Ingrid Boorstein at a press conference at the future site of the National Indoor Glacier Preserve in central Alaska. "We've already sent teams of specially trained climbers to collect the Aletsch Glacier in Switzerland, Vatnajökull in Iceland, and the Siachen in the Himalayas to establish mating pairs."

The NOAA has received heavy criticism for its past failed attempts to reintroduce wild glaciers into their former Ice Age habitats in Central Europe and on the plains of the American Midwest.

small victories

I have come across relatively little success in my efforts to feel settled into my new home. I just can't seem to find the right lampshade, an affordable queen size bed, or the right table for my stereo. The garden has potential, but is a looming amount of work at the time when some seeds should have long been planted.

Last Saturday night, we all stayed in and tackled some fun decorating projects. My main contribution was the installation of this light fixture of Claire's. Under the tele-guidance of my brother, I took out the old fixture and put this one up. It looks SO CUTE and our kitchen feels so much cozier now. I think that accomplishing this feat takes my domestic abilities to a new level (although any gorilla could have done it, it was so simple). When I feel the weight of this crazy month on my shoulders, I just gaze up at the warm glow of floral paper, and positive thoughts fill my mind.

proverbs

If a girl falls on her face in the park and no one is there to see it, is it still funny?

Yes. It is very funny and she laughs for the next half hour. My ankle is twisted, my shoulder sore and my work pants have a grass stain on the knee. This was no ordinary fall though. I was wandering in the rain during lunch in the South Lake Union Park. I missed the edge of the path and after the ankle rolled the rest of me went with it. Flat to the ground, my face inches from the grass. The reason I missed the path was that I was looking out towards the water at the Center for Wooden Boats, it's docks, and all the cute skiffs a girl could want.

I had heard about this fine place, but just now realized where and what it really was. I have a love for small wooden boats, discovered over summer trips to Orcas Island and the rowboats that we played in all the years of my youth. I have been waiting for the new mini coopers to come out with a tow package so that I can get a cream colored one, with a matching, glossy painted dingy to haul behind it for after work sailings on Lake Washington.

Anyway, after the fall I proceeded to walk it off, dust my jacket clean and head down the ramp to check out the floating museum. I was so excited that I got back to work and looked up sailing lessons at the UW, something I have always wanted to do. Spring season is just about to open and I am going to inquire about joining the Washington Yacht Club and taking some lessons. I'm pretty sure I would love it. Sailing is one of my top five favorite things to do, and I want to learn how.

If you are a UW grad, and are interested in taking lessons with me, please let me know. I would love a first mate.

first comes love

This past weekend the Lenssens ran the border. My cousin Keith got married! He married a Canadian woman named Jana and the wedding was just past the border in Langley. The lady at the border post asked me what we were doing and how old my cousin was. She said that 32 is a good age to get married for the first time. "Sometimes it takes that long to find the right person. Good for them," she said.

I went into the church with a bad attitude. I thought, 'Weddings are for suckers. I'm not having one and supporting all those rotten wedding industries. The average American spends 25K on their wedding, and that is ridiculous. I'll just elope or something.' I have been off weddings for a while, finding them uninspiring, typical and a poor use of my Saturdays. At least that's what was in my mind at the time.

In reality, I love them. As soon as the ceremony starts and the pretty girls and nice boys walk down to music, I love it. I love the celebration and the decoration. And marriage itself makes me cry, every time. What a huge deal! A choice to love someone for the rest of your life, through all those dull or difficult times. We get to be present to witness VOWS that our friends and family make. Vows that keep our society together and give some definition to a culture that is increasingly vague and undecided. So even if all weddings are essentially the same and we fuss over them in a way that makes little sense, every time one happens, different people get MARRIED and that is worth celebrating, no matter how much or little you want to spend on it.

And I love talking to my cousins, aunts and uncles from Lynden. We are always the people left at the end of the event, chatting away, catching up.

FYI, I have internet again in the home. In my home. Blogging should be easier now, as well as feeling like I belong somewhere. The days of moving 4 times in a year and a half are over. Bring on the service contracts.

oh, where is my hairbrush?

It has gotten worse before getting better. I have been lost like a small ship at sea in my ocean of belongings. Between being sick, tired out and moving, it's been a rough go. I am now making *progress* though. My walls are nearly painted and I have finished restoring my new dresser and putting clothes in it. My labyrinth of boxes and bags has been reduced and pushed against a completed green wall. Things are going to start happening to me now. Another few weeks and we'll have it.

Here is something I have been considering lately. Is anyone else confused/annoyed/surprised by this advertisement? I see it and get an acidy feeling in my stomach and my mouth waters, but not in a good way. Is that what they were going for?

311

Check out the new digs! We are moving over and slightly down to our very own home. The housesitting job/party in the Peacable Kingdom is coming to an end this week. We have signed a lease on a new place down the block in Leschi. This weekend was moving time and it's mostly all in there. Claire, Melissa and I are pretty excited about the place and starting our new life together. It's going to be fun.

Right now however, the boxes and newspaper along with my lack of furniture are discouraging. It is sure to get much worse before it gets better. I brought 13 boxes home from my Grandpa's upper room in Bellingham today. I don't know what's in them. I have lived without any of it for a year and a half. What is it? Why do I need it? Why do I carry it around with me? I'll let you know what it was when it gets out of the boxes. Sheesh. At least the house is CUTE.

hcl

Happy Birthday Heidi! My sister had a birthday yesterday. We took advantage of the Saturday date and enjoyed some coffee, thrift store shopping and then met up with the rest of the family for dinner followed by cake and gifts.

I really enjoy spending time with my sister. I can speak in a constant stream of movie quotations and inside jokes, and she gets every last inflection in my tone. We think alike and share similar style. It's great to have such a long time friend.

Heidi and I shared a room together growing up. She had the top bunk and climbed up via my bed to hers instead of using the ladder, sometimes stepping on her little sister. We shared barbies and strawberry shortcake dolls as little girls, then sponge painted the bedroom walls as mid-sized people. It's always been easy for us to get along. In those yucky years when teenage girls can't get along with anyone, we just gave each other space until it passed.

Heidi is maybe the nicest person you will know. She'll feel your pain, make you cookies, weed your garden and listen to your problems without being asked to. She defines the meaning of being a family person and takes care of and fusses over everyone. She is easy to upset, so I have to watch out for her sometimes when others are careless. Our differences in personality are made up for tenfold by a long history of enjoying each other and being similar in every other way. People often think we are twins. Not too far off in a lot of ways. I love you sister!