dmv

There is nothing good about renewing one's driver's license. The cold, comfortless rows of plastic chairs. The automated voice calling numbers out. Being told to sit here, then there, like an animal. Telling the person that I have gained 6 more pounds. And then the worst thing of all, the photo. I hate the photo.

I tried this time. Mascara, lipstick. I picked out a specific shirt with a collar, and dangley earrings that I thought would suit the blue background. I combed and arranged my hair. I thought, "This is as good as it gets. I am as good looking as I can be, on a weekday having walked several blocks to get here." Then suddenly, its over. The shutter has clicked. I look at it on the screen and get that sinking feeling. Uuuuugh. So ugly. I hear myself tell the lady that the photo is fine in a vain effort to not appear vain. Its all an unsettling realization that I am not as good-looking as I think I am. I want to see something else in the photo, but mabelline and brown moonstones will not make that happen. Really, its good for me. Brings me back down and forces me to realize that my worth is not found in the attractiveness of my driver's license photo, but in that God has made me, and likes me, regardless. And it helps that everyone's driver's photo sucks too.