fortress of solitude

Time just moves right along. Things are happening, summer is starting, yet I still can't eat. This has to be the longest 6 weeks on record. I have been participating. My aunt and uncle took me to the Mariner's game, my friend Jaime came to stay at my house for a couple days and I have taken my blind friend to the store a couple more times. I just can't believe that I have so much longer with these wires! So much longer with the blend-a-thon! Waiting for eating, talking and surfing!

Alas, no amount of self pity or public loathing can speed up the 24 hour days that I must endure until my jaw is healed. I do enjoying being out, visiting friends and being social. Really though, I have been growing to love time by myself lately. When I am alone, it is normal to not talk. There are no conversations that I cannot contribute to, no meals I cannot partake in, and no sports I cannot play. I can dance alone, hum my favorite songs, drink boring food and watch movies without wanting to make any comments about anything. People can't not hear me at a bar because I am not at one and am not saying anything.

I find solace in my garden quite a bit as well. The garden doesn't expect much of me. I can pull weeds, transplant starts and water for hours without thinking about my face. I have put a lot into this garden. When we moved in, there was a thick layer of gravel and compacted soil. There was nothing. We raked, dug and screened. We added soil, made a paths and planted seeds. Look at it now! It is my most dramatic and successful garden yet. All those pavers were buried in the ground under inches of bad soil. We just kept running into layer upon layer of stone with the pick. It was a pain to dig up, but really it was God providing for our path. It's quite nice, wouldn't you say? And free.

I have just shy of 3 weeks left until I get my jaw returned. Then come the teeth. To help me be patient and feel the progress, I have made a paper chain and stapled it to the wall. Everyday, I tear a link off. This method has worked well for me in the past while anticipating vacations or quitting my job. I have always been more focused on the small victories in life rather than the large. I guess it's time to go tear off a link before bed!