flashback

Here I go again, playing the "where was I two years ago, back when I was interesting" game. As I get my bag out and start to lay out the things I want to take to Mexico, I just had to go back and read about where I was on my trip at this time of year. I had just arrived in Athens, perfectly happy to be in Europe where things were more familiar. I was about to come down with the shingles, as a result of overwhelming stress while traveling the Kenyan countryside. I was feeling and doing great, having long since forgotten what working in an American office was like. There were so many landmarks and so many new memories forming all the time when I was on the trip. I can't help but compare my current situation and feel a little empty.

Looking over my baggage locks, my immunization card, my sarong and all the rest of my travel relics, they are worn. Dirty, smudged, scratched and threadbare. I worked that stuff hard. Blew it to bits. I'm surprised how much of it I even came back with.

When you travel, you have no control. You could lose the whole deal any minute. You are always lost and wearing the same pair of jeans. You would think that being home, re-rooted and relocated would provide a great sense of relief and security. Surrounded by all your familiar things and people, you know what is going to happen next. In this, however, I feel even more out of control. The things I feel that I should be able to make happen, I can't. I have all this structure around me, and I feel smothered and locked in. I think not having control over anything is more freeing than having control over half of things. Who would've thought?

I am thrilled to be getting away. So far I have packed 3 bikinis, 2 rash guards, warm water surf wax, three books, two pairs of shorts, sandals and my sudoku book. I like where this is all going. The routine is killing me lately. Plus, I just got dissed by a man, again, and can't wait to forget all about him, about my projects, my to do lists and perhaps my own name. Just for a little while. Ole!