30

Today is the last day of my twenties. The LAST day. I'll have to say it's been an action packed decade. I didn't waste any time. Well, maybe a little. I've been up and down and here and there during the last ten years. My world view has changed 100% from what it was on the last day of my teens. I've had fun. I've taken advantage of my un-tied lifestyle and spent money on airline tickets and shoes instead of roofing or jogging strollers. I never really rebelled like most people do, however. I didn't move away, get a tattoo and spend winters being a ski bum. I didn't drink myself silly or have a new boyfriend every 10 days. But I have done what I've felt like, and that's been enough for me.

Most ladies my age have rave reviews about turning 30. They say things like, "I really know myself now." "I have a confidence that only experience can bring." "I feel comfortable in my own skin." I have never been able to grasp that last one. I visualize squirming around in skin that's too tight and binds at the waist.. I feel just the same as I always have, I think. I would maybe say that my bad and good qualities have just become more amplified over the years. I worry more. But I care less about if I am fitting in. I still do not know what I want to do with my life. But I think less about if what I do pleases others. I no longer feel embarrassed that I don't enjoy the theater. I feel more proud about what my analytical, detail oriented mind is capable of. But less proud about how I am prone to judge others that are not similarly focused on what I set as priorities.

So I'm turning 30. I can't stop it. I'm not thrilled about it, but it'll be okay. It's kinda like going to the doctor. You'd rather not, but you have to, and then it's over, and you move on. It's just a number, right? Perhaps there are better things around the corner. I have a good job, a good man, a good home and a good family. What better to arm myself with as I blaze my trail across this cold planet? I'm not ready to settle down. I'm feeling ready for another adventure. I am feeling ready to upset my balance again and try something new. I think I've been feeling this way for a long time, and hopefully as I turn 30 some kind of light will flip on and illuminate the path that I should take next. I've still got a long time to live and I don't plan on becoming bored.