dixie chicks

I haven't been myself lately. I've been really tired, negative minded and kinda whiny. And lately means since last fall. This is not good. I lost my footloose and my fancy free. My bravery took off without me and left me wanting to get into bed, the one warm place in Washington State. I don't know why this happened. I felt fine last summer. I could blame it on Seasonal Effective Disorder. I could blame it on my jobs/job change. I could blame it on being in a serious relationship for the first time and trying to figure out how to manage my time. Perhaps I'm old and boring and don't have the end of the semester to look forward to. Hormones? Lack of exercise? I just don't know. I haven't added much to anything I've been around or anyone that I've been around. There have been bright spots here and there, but that's not really good enough for me.

The last couple weeks, I've had a few days where I've felt normal again. I've felt happy. It's been a long time since I felt like I wanted to dance to the Dixie Chicks in my kitchen while I cook. Or sing in my car. Or not crawl into bed the second I get home. Or write a blog. Or enjoy whatever it is that I am doing without looking ahead to the next thing. Or look forward to a weekend full of things that I actually like to do without just feeling like it's going to be a bunch of hassle. 

I doubt I am fully healed. I'll probably feel blue again. But I feel like maybe things are turning over in my mind. I'm headed in the right direction. I feel like I've been waiting for 4 years for something exciting to do with myself. Maybe I can get back to the business of figuring out what that is going to be.