thoughts in early spring

Driving: To get to my new office in Wallingford by bus, I would have to go downtown and make a transfer to another bus, which would take me 50 minutes to an hour. The bus now costs $4.50 a day, which seems a bit steep when I'm already paying for my car insurance every month. And parking is free at work. So, you may have already guessed that I now drive Judy. It's been quite a transition. I have the freedom to stop at the store on the way home or make plans to meet up with people - anywhere. I can leave the house in the morning when I am good and ready, not running out the door without having brushed my teeth yet, and that is very freeing. I also have to focus on driving though, which is a hassle. To help me through it, I have found a new addiction. It's not a bluetooth or books on tape. It's NPR! I know everyone else is already listening, but this has been my first real chance to get into it. I learn about politics, science, history, art and even hot dogs. They have radio pieces on everything and it's so interesting! I feel much better educated and it takes my mind outside of its usual loop and puts it out into the world. This gives me perspective and peace, if only for 20 minutes as I go along.

Religious Fanatics: The other night I was leaving a restaurant in Bellevue after visiting with some good friends. It was dark and rainy, so I was hurrying back into the mall to get through to the parking garage. A young guy hollered after me about if he could ask me the million dollar question. Despite my intuitive powers and for a reason that God (or whoever it is that I follow) only knows, I stopped and let him ask me, "What happens when you die?" Oh geez. I said, I'll be with God, which is where I belong. He asked me if I was a Christian, blah, blah, blah. I thought I was going to get off easy, but then he started to quote (or mis-quote if you ask me) all kinds of scripture about few people going to heaven and all the rest of us being sons and daughters of Satan because of our terrible sin. Something he said struck a chord with me and we spent the next 45 minutes going at it about whether or not all people are children of God. He tried several times to tell me that I needed to read my bible more and that I was clearly not a Christian because I didn't agree with what was "crystal clear" about most people going to burn in hell for eternity. I told him he was rude and presumptuous and that I didn't agree with what he was doing. I said that I thought he was going to regret doing this ten years from now when he had a better understanding of the Holy Spirit. I even poked him in the shoulder once. I said we could finish the conversation later, out of the rain, in heaven. He told me I wasn't going to heaven, and I stormed off muttering things about him not knowing anything and giving Christians a bad name. I tore up his little flier and scolded myself for getting so upset once I was back in the car. But no one tells me that I'm not going to heaven very often, so you can't blame me for wanting to throttle the brainwashed, religious beast. Although that would have given me a bad name and a trip to the jail.


Dentist: I've been feeling really anxious lately about my fake teeth. The thin crack in my right, front crown got worse over the year and the sensitivity around that tooth has made me sure that it is about ready to crumble and fall right out of my mouth. I lose sleep over it regularly. I am quite certain that I am projecting all my anxieties onto my tooth and that I need a trip to the counselor more than a trip to the dentist, but one thing at a time. I went to get my teeth cleaned and polished up this week, but also to tell the dentist that I am worried and that he needs to convince me that everything is fine in there. They took an extra x-ray of my front tooth and it looked healthy and happy under that crown. He poked and prodded the crown for a while too and told me what he told me the last time: that it looked fine. He can't say 100% that the crown won't fail, but he thinks I should relax about it. I said I would try to, but find myself already lingering on the 10%, 20% or whatever percent that he couldn't assure me. You would think a broken crown and some pain was going to kill me or something the way I worry about it. It's not going to kill me though and I am doing my best to be reasonable and get on with my life.