lazy bum?

My Dad retired a couple weeks ago from 42 years working for the Washington State Department of Transportation as a civil engineer. I've only been alive for 27.75 years. I've only been working for 5 years, at two different firms, with a year off in between and I feel exhausted.

The whole family went up to Dad's office on his last day. They were having some cake and coffee in his honor. We took a look at his office, which wasn't packed up at all. The sign read, 'Project Manager' outside the door. Inside, rows of yellow post-its served perfectly as a phone book on the wall. The stacks of books and drawings were no doubt cataloged in his mind. Old photos of holes in the ground and overpasses in downtown hung on the walls. In-boxes and shelves, all chock full of information. It was the space of someone who knows. Someone who helped finish building I-5.

We went down to the conference room and mingled for a while with the coworkers. They had dad introduce us before saying a few words about him. The Assistant Project Manager, started out by saying that she had only found out that Marlin was really retiring on Thursday the week before. She was shocked and upset because she learned everything from him, and didn't know what they were going to do without him. She said that my dad knows more about their line of work than anyone out there. She said DOT people respect you more when they know you are from Lenssen's office. They assume you know what you are talking about, because you learned it from my Dad.

Some of the younger people said that he was a good manager. He knows everything, gives you the information you need, and then lets you make your own decision. Another person said he has an elephant's memory. Any detail about any project back to the beginning of his time, he remembers. Not only what project you mean, but where the drawings are stacked or what happened with the concrete. They said, "Marlin's a quiet guy, so you know when he talks, you better listen, because it's important." They said, " No one else ever reviews the signal plans. No one looks at them. But Marlin does and he has good comments on how to make them better. He never misses anything."

I'm not sure why I am surprised that at work my Dad is the same nice, cool, sharp, kind person that he is at home. The things about him that I learned to love and appreciate a long time ago, these people learned too. They really like him. It makes sense. A man of integrity is always a man of integrity.

They also spoke about how he could have moved on, could have found better pay or more respect elsewhere. He didn't have to stay, but he did. I have been thinking about this for weeks now. I feel little to no faithfulness towards my employers. I feel that I am treated lukewarmly, so my commitment is lukewarm. If someone told me about a great opportunity, worth uprooting the rest of my life for, there would be no hesitation to leave my job. That would be the last thing to hold me back. How can this be since I have come from a man that spent 42 years committed to his cause? Am I really that spoiled? Is there no where that I want to go in my firm? Are my expectations too high? Is it because my need for income is scarcely more than what I could make working at the surf shop? Do I not know how to work hard? It is my generation? Am I in the wrong line of work? Who knows. Maybe someday I'll ante up and commit to a job for real. I can't imagine it from where I sit now, but maybe it could happen. Maybe if it was that good. Or maybe if I was a little more disciplined, like my Dad. We would all be better off if I was. The DOT was lucky to have him around and we are all lucky to be driving through better tunnels. Good job Dad!! Maybe when I grow up, I can be as good as you.