i cry freedom

The sun has set on my life as I have known it for the last 13 months. I must say goodbye to the fulfilled woman I have become. I began this past year of retirement as a shell of sorts. My dreams and passion had waned with each passing day at the office until I couldn't take it anymore. I had to save myself. Since I have been away, I have refilled. My soul feels alert and free and my interests in life renewed. I have rediscovered the novel, seen new places, learned to sew better, to cook better and found that I never get bored when in charge of myself. I have lived the dream; retirement in your 20's. Everyday since I quit my last job has been the best day of my life. That means today is the best day of my life.

Tomorrow, I am not so sure about. I will be catching the 7:34 bus and transferring for the 8:07 bus. I will meet my co-workers, my desk, my W-4 form, my printers, my kitchenette and my computer. This could all be very exciting, if it wasn't for this mournful feeling I have lingering in my stomach. The culmination of so many hopes and dreams has gloriously passed, and now I must start again. New hopes and dreams. New ways of living. People telling me what to do and when to be somewhere.

Perhaps it won't be so bad. Maybe the discipline and productivity will be thrilling. I will get to use and develop my skills. I could love it! Let's hope so.

So tonight we celebrate with a toast. Then to bed on time to prepare for life as a worker, the way it's intended to be on this earth. No tears. No tears.

Me on one of our last nights in Thailand, which coincidentally feels a lot like tonight.